Finding myself at Qdoba again

Saturday, February2.  Hello all!  It's me again.  How's everyone today?  Good, I hope.  Today was a pretty normal day for me.  Taught golf from 9am to 2pm, went home and just relaxed for a while.  Dinner pangs started to hit me at about 6:30 in the evening, after watching the third installment of the latest, but what turns out to be the older (confusing!), Star Wars movie on HBO.  I enjoyed it.  Also figured out some of the pieces to the puzzle that is the Star Wars story.  Now I see how Darth Vader is actually Luke Skywalker's father!  A ha!

Anyway, my lunch of Paul Newman graham crackers and Cape Cod potato chips didn't hold me over for long, and I decided to venture out to Qdoba for some food.  After my Cancun experience last month, during which my friend Alberto took me to have some authentic Mexican food, the pseudo-Mexican restaurants we find here haven't really seemed appealing.  But it's next door to Blockbuster and I figured I could get a movie to keep me company tonight.

Once I decided on a steak taco salad, today's idea came to me.  I asked the cashier to add the guy behind me's chicken burrito to my bill.  Random.  And don't tell him.  Just let me pay for it.  Seemed like a nice random act of kindness, and of course one I hadn't done before.  I probably can't make a habit of it or I'll go broke in a month and a half!  Felt good nonetheless.

The first night Paula asked me out three years ago, I had just dug into a burrito from Qdoba (sorry, tonight I'm feeling a little nostalgic and a bit sad--that's just the way it is).  She called to see if I wanted to go for a walk with her downtown.  Our first date really.  A warm summer Ann Arbor night.  It was fun and the start of quite an adventure for us.

As I walked out of the store into the dark parking lot, a bit of self-pity crept in.  Three years later, again I find myself eating Qdoba carryout, alone.

So tonight, I've kept to my task, but can't help feeling that I'm not really where I want to be and perhaps right back to where I started, whether it be the food I'm eating or the loneliness I feel.