Smudging, Netflix, and emails

Friday, February 15.  Today was a good day.  Went to see a psychiatrist today (my therapist is not an MD).  He had some interesting insight that I might share later in more detail, but suffice it to say that, like what I've been doing for a couple of days, he thinks that if I don't run away from what I'm feeling and really lean into the pain, something remarkable will happen for me.  I've spent too long running away from the pain.  And there's a lot of it.  I'm not scared.

Today I managed to do three new things, even though I cried all day.  First, I subscribed to Netflix, so I could get Blu-ray DVDs to watch for cheap.  For $17 a month, I can get as many movies as I want!  It'll be perfect for my new HDTV and Blu-ray disc player.  Excellent.  The first movies I'm gonna get are "No Reservations," "300," and "The Guardian."  Awesome dude.

The next thing I did was actually try to contact some women on match.com.  I was really thinking about canceling my membership, but what the hell.  I won't obsess over Paula's profile and find some interesting people along the way.  So I've gone from posting a profile, to winks, and now to emails.  I AM a player!

The last thing I did was an old pagan tradition called smudging.  It is a ceremony in which dried sage (and in my case cedar and lavender too) is bundled and lit, then the smoke is "smudged" throughout a home to release negative energy.  I thought it was appropriate and matched the transformation I'm experiencing.  It felt kind of nice and ceremonial.

I will experience more ups and downs I know, and to be quite honest, I am still very in love with Paula, and that's ok, cause I couldn't stop myself right now, even if I wanted to.  The universe has a way of doing just what it needs to do for all of us, when we need it!  Acceptance, non-resistance first.  Letting go is a natural product of that.  Love you all and later.