I'm a player, jumping off of cliffs

Sunday, February 10.  Hello all.  Feeling more stable today, but there are ups and downs and I thank all of you who I've reached out to.  It's been amazing to feel the support.  Today's new item happened today at Meijer's, where Ryan and I went this afternoon to pick up some groceries.  I had just reached a pretty low point where all of a sudden I felt the need for some dignity, and a surge of positive energy flowed through me for a moment.  I knew that this adrenaline rush would fade, but I decided to use it to achieve my task for the day.

As Ryan and I were turning our cart into the next aisle to look for an ingredient for the lasagna he was going to make for dinner, we just about bumped into a young woman.  I noticed that she was cute and had a nice smile, but thought nothing more of it as we walked down to the end of the aisle.  Hmm, I thought, looking back and smiling for maybe the first time all weekend.

I turned left as Ryan turned right and I told him I'd meet him at deodorants in a minute.  I walked into the next aisle and circled back and walked up to the young woman and tapped her shoulder, said "Excuse me, I just wanted you to know that I think that you're lovely.  Have a great day.  Bye."  Made me feel a slight bit awkward but gave me a small rush and I knew I didn't do it in a creepy way.  I hope I made her smile and gave her a story to tell later!

Anyway, maybe it was a good day for something a little more out of my comfort zone, and something that wasn't too depressing or tear jerking.  Maybe the next time I'll just ask her for her phone number or invite her for a cup of coffee.  Then I'd be a player!