My new thing for the day starts with my great friend Dolly. Dolly and I have known each other since birth, and we stay in touch in spurts. She was one of the calls last night. She was busy, and promised to call me back this afternoon, which she did with promptness. After empathizing with me and giving me her always positive spin on things, she gave me the idea for the day. Because she had gone through an eerily similar circumstance before, she said one of the best things she did was to take all the pictures down.
So they all came down. Ryan had to help me. From the coffee table, from my dresser, from my nightstand, from my cork vision board. Nothing dramatic. No burning, no tearing, no garbage can. Just put away on a chair in the guest bedroom, out of sight. For now. Or for good. That hurts to think about!
There was a picture of Paula and Aubrey as a child. A picture of the kids. A picture of us and the kids at graduation. A picture of us, AJ and Aubrey at the birthday party they threw for me at the bowling alley. Several pictures of photo shoot shots. What a beautiful woman! A picture of Paula kissing me on the forehead. A picture of us looking into each other's eyes. Happy pictures!
My heart broke a little more with each picture put away. Was I putting away happiness? Fear. Fear of being forgotten. Fear of trusting that life will bring me great things. Fear of letting go. Fear of acceptance. Fear of the idea of "if you love something, let it go."
But after the guest room door closed behind me, I actually felt a little bit of strength. A little self-worth. For the first time all day, and maybe for a long time, I did something that was good for me, despite the pain of it all. And it was something I'd never done before!
Funny life. I think what I need to do are all the things that I really don't want to do. Funny.
Thanks, I love you all very much.
4 comments:
Tom,
For me, pictures are like mirror...
you can see happiness looking at them when you are happy but you can also see sadness looking at them when you are sad, and I mean those very same pictures! It's your mind that's playing up while looking. Putting them away for now will help you deal with the circumstances better. One day when you are stronger, you'll know what to do with them.
Be with the present...no wandering into the pain in the past and no wandering into all doubts & fears in the future, then you are one step closer to the peace of mind.
Love,
NaNa
Bro,
I think it's just the right thing to do putting them away for now cus pictures were taken when you feel happy and you suppose to feel happy whenever you look at them but seems like not in this time eh?
Try taking more new pictures ^^.
Hey there,
This is a great 1st step and a painful one...but I promise you will feel stronger soon...although you will have waves where you feel totally powerless.
One other thing, you should take down the pics of her and any reminders of her on the slideshow in this blog as well.
Lots of love,
Dolly
Dolly, the pics are being edited and will reappear soon. Amazing how powerful that can be and amazing how difficult it is to do.
Love ya, Tom
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