Winks and stepping outside of my head

Monday, February 11.  Hey all, how is everyone?  Another interesting day today (they're all pretty interesting if we bother to notice, aren't they?).  It started out a little shaky and emotional, and progressed to some peace as the day wore on.  I managed to get myself out for a run at the gym and also went to Borders to buy a book my dear friend Rick recommended.  I later managed to spend a good part of the day by myself with relatively little panic!

My first deed for the day extended yesterday's, and I sent some "winks" out to some women on Match.com.  "Winks" are a way of letting someone know that you are interested in communicating some more with someone.  If they wink back, perhaps a conversation can start.  Well, I could actually start a conversation anyway, but that's about all I could handle today.  :) 

While it might sound like no big deal to some of you, it was a little scary because there was a natural fear of rejection, or even worse, indifference.  I'd say that, well I just don't give a shit and who cares, but there is the insecure boy in me that wants approval and to be liked.  Well, I guess I cared little enough to go ahead and do it!  We'll see what happens, and even though I'm not quite ready for a relationship necessarily, it seems like an important part of the process that I'm experiencing.

The second thing I did today was to decide to observe my thoughts and emotions as much as I possibly could.  I tried to watch myself from outside of my head, so to speak.  What I found is that there is a consciousness, a presence, that exists calmly and peacefully separate from the thoughts and emotions, and they ended up creating less panic.  Or at least shorter and less intense waves.  Never really done that before and we'll see what happens with it.

In addition to breathing, being present, and getting on with tasks small and big, I feel like getting out of my head is something that might be an effective tool for me in my current situation.  Tata for now.  It's nice to feel some silence and be comfortable with it!